As we transition into this new chapter of our education, many of us will experience the suffocating realization that there are no more ribbons for participation. And that in this game of life we are playing, we can only belong into one of two categories: winners or losers. This results in students feeling like they are constantly playing a game of tight rope. If they want to reach the trophy at the other side, their abilities must never falter and their results must always make them stronger to take another step forward. Each step will give them a rush of confidence while simultaneously leveling up their expectations for the future.
As students, feeling pressure to do well is our norm and anxiety can cling like a monkey on our back. This is mainly exhibited with academic assessments, an area where most of us place our self-worth in. Subconsciously, our mind compares our abilities to friends and peers and it can leave our mental state buzzing with anxiety and shaking with disappointment when we don’t reach our new expectations. And after years of wavering in this mentality and listening to the advice of others, I had come to an unsettling conclusion. The root of our anxiety is often triggered by the high expectations we place on ourselves rather than the actual results itself.
Whenever I had high expectations for a certain course, there was always a lot more anxiety tangled in my thoughts. It felt like I was constantly treading on thin ice and the results for every test I took had to be what I expected and beyond. But when the inevitable “failed” tests did turn up, I would allow a number to ruin my mood for days. Even when the grade was decent, since I had set up this expected mark in my mind, anything below ultimately felt like a failure. And after taking the defeating step back, it would shift my thoughts to believe that the only way to jump back up from a bad assessment is to create higher expectations for the next one. I thought by doing this, the bad grade would cancel out and eventually lift my spirits. But ultimately, it only created a very toxic and co-dependent relationship with grades.
I’ve learned that the only way to stop letting my expectations fuel my anxiety is to work hard but start expecting less. This can be hard to follow through with, since many of us grow up believing everything is transactional. If I do my chores, I get an allowance for the week. If I don’t misbehave, I can watch TV longer. If I exercise every day, my body will reflect my hard work. But as we start to tie these experiences into our academics, it turns into “if I take the extra step in studying for this test, I am guaranteed great results”. Even if in most cases, this can raise your chances of succeeding, it is by no means written in stone. Therefore, it is essential to change the mindset of cause and effect because it will ultimately lead to a lot of disappointment. And more importantly, if you are working your hardest, the results will not change regardless of your expectations. So stop wasting so much time worrying about it!
Overall, the reality is that the standards we have for ourselves do not impact our success and will merely trick us into holding our self-worth on this pedestal of ideals and inviting the perilous poison of anxiety to eat away at our mental state. But if we start tomorrow focused solely on doing our best, mind empty with expectations, receiving the end results will be less anxiety-ridden since your mind is not focused on a number. When our anxious thoughts are silenced, there is more room to focus on progress while allowing ourselves to start viewing mistakes as areas to grow instead of a failure. And by doing this, the tightrope we have been trapped on will no longer be there. Instead, you will find yourself on the other side holding the trophy because true success and being a winner means embracing your mistakes as progress not failure. While those who are soiled with anxiety and expectations may never make it to the other side.