Do you ever just feel on edge? Like your state of happiness is being tested on such a fragile equilibrium so that any second, minute or day now, it will surely tip over and shatter your entire illusion of peace. I know it's stupid to think that the happiness we feel will always be there but doesn't it frighten you knowing that your future will inevitably be filled with so much pain? Because it doesn't matter how far you go to avoid those situations, life will always be able to find a way to make you experience the art of pain.
Personally, I don't like to put myself in uncomfortable situations. Frankly, I try my best to avoid situations that make me feel anxious.
It's scary.
Not knowing what's over that mountain, behind the next door, or simply the future of tomorrow.
But despite the ups and downs that I have experienced, now I look back knowing deep down that I would not change the past. There is something so bittersweet and strange about letting the ugly stay in your life. By being so completely honest with yourself to acknowledge how your own personal turmoil can mold who you are. But here's the interesting thing about your experiences, they can either shape you or break you. You can either make decisions out of instinct and let your emotions take the reins or you can bite your tongue, unclench your fists and walk away.
It takes a certain level of patience to hustle through the hardships. To not feel distraught and horrible 24/7 because the universe is seemingly conspiring your miseries (at least that's what you believe during those moments). And I can think of countless times where I could have lashed out, blamed others for my situations, pitied myself and envied others because they didn't understand what I felt. But after going through a fair amount of hardships, I realized something. At the end of the day, there is only so much you can do. Truly. A time where you have to draw the line, just take a breath and be patient.
However, there is one thing to keep in mind. Actually, try to engrave this into your head, because this is important to remember.
No matter how difficult, stressful or downwards the situation may be going, never give up hope.
This pain that you feel right now, you have to believe that it will get better. And I'm not telling you to just sit there and wait for it to get better right from the beginning. You have to go out and try to heal your own wounds. And only after you have offered everything you can possibly do onto the table, just have patience and be hopeful.
If everything starts to feel hopeless despite everything you try, just take it one day at a time. But if that is too difficult, count down the hours. And if that doesn't work out, then focus on the minutes, and let each second that passes by be a hopeful one. But if that starts to become unbearable, then don't even think about what's going to happen in the next second and just live in the moment. And let every single moment of pain be filled with hope that one day it will fade away.